I Might Be This Way Only Because the Sun is Not Shining....

I feel like my life is slipping from my fingers- I run, grasping at it... But there's nothing I can do. There's nothing anyone can do.

I don't have time for anything in the day. I'm glad of it on weekends; that way I can have a viable excuse when people wonder why I'm not doing something social: homework. Homework, homework, homework. Homework is the starting and finish line of my day. I wake up every morning and dread the day to come, but try to meet it with a smile anyway. I go to sleep every night and lie in bed wondering why I throw so much time at an empty cause. My very existence is defined by school- I rarely do anything else- so why am I not smarter? Why can't I have straight "A''s? Is that really too much to ask?

These past few months, I have really neglected myself. When can I just sit and think of absolutely nothing school-related when I have so much to do already? Where do I fit in eating, sleeping, chores, and piano practice? Where can I pencil in:

"Have fun"?

I remember once, when I was younger, I remarked to my Grandma that I was bored (she immediately listed a multitude of things that needed to be done... needless to say, I was never bored again). After that day, I filled the weeks up with reading and playing- whatever I could do- because I hated the feeling of being bored. Now, I sincerely wish that there could be a day when I could have so little to do that I would have time to feel bored.

It's probably good that I don't have time to get bored. More time alone would turn into time spent worrying- worrying about grades, worrying about money, and worrying about college.

Phew. Sometimes it's good to get it off my chest- nonverbally, so no shouting takes place.