The Extent of My Creativity

Let's sing the "My Life Kinda Stinks Because of Homework" song/poem.

I just made it up.

Roses are red,

Violets are blue.

If my life were to be served on a plate...

It would taste like poo.

New semester tomorrow. I'm really nervous about how it's going to go. I've got two college classes, one foreign language, one science honors, one regular science (Chemistry.... gag me with a pitchfork), and my only easy class is English. I was excited until I looked them over.... yikes I am in for it this semester!

I guess you guys, by now, will realize that I'm always posting about school and never (usually) about anything fun. I have no social life, but I'm okay with that. I know that I push people away because I'm not blonde, silly, and changeable. I don't care about what others think and don't spend hours in front of the mirror each morning- I don't care about frivolous little things (except knee-high socks, I really love those). I have my own unique sense of humor, one that involves teasing people kindly, but somewhat mercilessly. I know that I push people away because I'm not like everyone else... Is this the sort of thing that ends in high school or am I forever doomed? Eeeek!

But you know what? I'm okay with the way things are. Because it is better to be by yourself and content than to have multitudes of friends with whom your relationship is an emotional roller-coaster.

I'm better safe than sorry.

Death x Illness x Misery SQUAREDe

Finals tomorrow. Are you crossing your fingers for me?! PLEASE!

What to do? What to do?

My sickness seems to be waning. I'm finding that 24/7 access to a laptop increases the odds that I blog during the day. I think that this year I will try to blog/journal once every day. And it can't be all "sunshine, lollipops and rainbows", either. Because, though we all will admit that that is what we would like to find in life, most people will also admit that life is not solely comprised of happy moments. So now, to be brutally honest...

I'm scared. There are many things I'm afraid of. I'm afraid of the dark. Afraid of being alone for too often. Afraid of being left to my thoughts, because I fear I'll go mad. Mostly, I'm afraid of the future. Afraid because now I am closer to being 17 than I am to 16. Afraid because my Junior year of high school is just about half-over and there's no way to get time back. So what do you do when you can't stop time from moving recklessly ahead, or when you can't stop the clock ticking? I'm only a teenager, but will the rest of my life pass as quickly as the last year has?

I'm scared of the future, mostly because I don't know what it will hold.

Even though I am afraid, I am strong. Strong enough to handle trials by myself. Strong enough to take finals and face my grades. I am strong enough to be independent....

But then I remember: I remember that I have my Savior, who I know is watching me & who can make a lot more of my life than I ever could make for myself.

And now I understand why trials are good for us. Because if I'd never been scared or afraid of what's to come, if I'd never been lonely or confused, I'd never realize that I need Him.