Death x Illness x Misery SQUAREDe

Finals tomorrow. Are you crossing your fingers for me?! PLEASE!

It seems like I do stuff like this a lot....

I look hideous. *Steven voice*

Today, I looked at stairs. I don't normally look at stairs unless they are magnificent in some way. However, these specific stairs had very slick carpet on them. If you're anything like me, you're thinking the same thing that I was thinking:

LET'S SLIDE ON THEM!!!!

Well, to make a long story short:
I slide on my stomach, head first, with my arms at my side instead of covering my face. It didn't start out too well, so I thought I was going to figuratively crash and burn. However, about half-way down the stairs I started gaining speed, and by 4 steps down, I was going pretty fast. Since my arms were glued to my sides, I didn't stop my face from scraping against the previously wonderful carpet. My face looks like I got in a minor fight. My nose has a vertical cut/smudge/whatever-the-heck-it-is and a bruise down by my nostrils. In between my nose and my lips -in my would-be mustache area- I have bruised/given myself a nice carpet burn that stings like the DEVIL! I also have disgusting gum scraped off of the inside of my mouth. I'm in pain, and I look like someone who got pushed out of an airplane (with no parachute) and landed on their face in the middle of the intersection on Time Square, got their nose kicked by two bratty little kids crossing the sidewalk (pedestrians are even becoming more cruel) and then stepped on by their overweight Pitt-bull, got their mustache area torn apart by a nasty gang who were all-too equipped with razorblades, and finally got their inner lip cut by an Italian pizza maker who couldn't handle the violence outside his store.

"'Cuz You Had a Bad day, you...?"

What comes next in this song? I've never been able to figure it out. People should really enunciate more when they sing, or refrain (punny) from singing, like me.

Anyways, today has been kind of a crappy day. But something happened that made me love life! Do you want to know what it is?
I took a practice test for my Chemistry finals coming up... and I got a 12/14!!!! Woooo hooooo!

I Might Be This Way Only Because the Sun is Not Shining....

I feel like my life is slipping from my fingers- I run, grasping at it... But there's nothing I can do. There's nothing anyone can do.

I don't have time for anything in the day. I'm glad of it on weekends; that way I can have a viable excuse when people wonder why I'm not doing something social: homework. Homework, homework, homework. Homework is the starting and finish line of my day. I wake up every morning and dread the day to come, but try to meet it with a smile anyway. I go to sleep every night and lie in bed wondering why I throw so much time at an empty cause. My very existence is defined by school- I rarely do anything else- so why am I not smarter? Why can't I have straight "A''s? Is that really too much to ask?

These past few months, I have really neglected myself. When can I just sit and think of absolutely nothing school-related when I have so much to do already? Where do I fit in eating, sleeping, chores, and piano practice? Where can I pencil in:

"Have fun"?

I remember once, when I was younger, I remarked to my Grandma that I was bored (she immediately listed a multitude of things that needed to be done... needless to say, I was never bored again). After that day, I filled the weeks up with reading and playing- whatever I could do- because I hated the feeling of being bored. Now, I sincerely wish that there could be a day when I could have so little to do that I would have time to feel bored.

It's probably good that I don't have time to get bored. More time alone would turn into time spent worrying- worrying about grades, worrying about money, and worrying about college.

Phew. Sometimes it's good to get it off my chest- nonverbally, so no shouting takes place.

Am I... Weird?

Dear Blog-

I'm sorry I have neglected you. Life has become so busy, and even in the summer when it wasn't... anyways. But now I am back, and I'm already lulled by the sound of the soft typing of my ugly hands on the keyboard.

I used to complain and feel sorry for myself because my life was "too simple". Maybe I didn't feel as if enough people cared about me; maybe I didn't feel as if I "did" enough things on the weekend (life back then wasn't filled with homework). But then I read something that truly changed my life. "I am too blessed to be unhappy." There is wisdom in those words. For many months now I have honestly been searching for the good in life- because we truly see what we are looking for.

I find that now I have nothing really worth saying, but since this is a journal, I have to fill it with silly nothings.

Today, I took a break from homework for a while to watch Eclipse (n. one of the most pathetic movies in the world). I know, I know... Crazy. Anyways, my brain turned into mashed potatoes, I am quite sure of it.

Last weekend I found out that I got accepted to the State Space and Aerospace Scholars. It's a special honors class, and could quite possibly be the most nerdy thing that I've ever even thought about doing. But it's a good opportunity, and will look great on my transcript.

Christmas break is coming! I'm so excited about it! I found out that- instead of only 1 week- it is 2 WHOLE WEEKS LONG and I am almost to the point where I am speechless about it. Almost.

... When I think about Christmas break, I think about what happens after it. And that plaguing, horrible nightmare would be called Finals Week. Tests are absolutely the bane of my existence- especially when they count as 20% of your grade and 100% of what the heck colleges will think of you in a few years.

On that happy note, I must bid you adieu... (I spelled that right my first time.) But I will be back, because I need the therapy that journal-writing brings.

Sincerely,

Randomness Squared