Back Aches and Brains That Actually Work Today

Today has been a good day. I just took a test for my (college) speech class and got an 86%!!!! It's still a B, but it is the best score I have ever gotten in her awful class, so it's pretty good. I also aced the written portion of one of my Chinese tests, also very impressive. This is all great until I start thinking about finals, which I won't. Today, I also finished a resume for a very stupid/boring/useless class, which means I won't have to waste my time on it anymore.

I just got back from ice skating, and I had a total blast! Although I look hideous (see previous post), we made up an obviously-embellished story to explain my beastly not-so-attractiveness. I fell down only when my date came near me (make of that what you will), and I'm thinking I'm going to be VERY sore tomorrow. In fact, it's already setting in. Yeeee-ouch. On a brighter note, I can skate very well. I remember when I was younger watching the Winter Olympics in SLC and wishing I could figure skate. So, I recreated it with my gargantuan Barbie roller skates and tried to be graceful....

Epic failure of immense proportions.

Ohhhhh, that's a quaint memory from my childhood... *pauses for effect*

Goodnight!

It seems like I do stuff like this a lot....

I look hideous. *Steven voice*

Today, I looked at stairs. I don't normally look at stairs unless they are magnificent in some way. However, these specific stairs had very slick carpet on them. If you're anything like me, you're thinking the same thing that I was thinking:

LET'S SLIDE ON THEM!!!!

Well, to make a long story short:
I slide on my stomach, head first, with my arms at my side instead of covering my face. It didn't start out too well, so I thought I was going to figuratively crash and burn. However, about half-way down the stairs I started gaining speed, and by 4 steps down, I was going pretty fast. Since my arms were glued to my sides, I didn't stop my face from scraping against the previously wonderful carpet. My face looks like I got in a minor fight. My nose has a vertical cut/smudge/whatever-the-heck-it-is and a bruise down by my nostrils. In between my nose and my lips -in my would-be mustache area- I have bruised/given myself a nice carpet burn that stings like the DEVIL! I also have disgusting gum scraped off of the inside of my mouth. I'm in pain, and I look like someone who got pushed out of an airplane (with no parachute) and landed on their face in the middle of the intersection on Time Square, got their nose kicked by two bratty little kids crossing the sidewalk (pedestrians are even becoming more cruel) and then stepped on by their overweight Pitt-bull, got their mustache area torn apart by a nasty gang who were all-too equipped with razorblades, and finally got their inner lip cut by an Italian pizza maker who couldn't handle the violence outside his store.

The Sun'll Come Out Tomorrow... Or Never

Yesterday, the sun didn't come out. Even though, in a semi- sort of way, it was a tomorrow. Because I had Drivers Ed, I was -to say the least- not very excited about driving in rain/ sleet/ snow/hail.
I momentarily thought about feigning the cut on my finger as a major or maybe fatal injury. About a half a second later, I knew that would be a total lame excuse.

So... long story short I went anyway and it was just fine.

Okay, but listen to this. Or read it. I wasn't going to blog about this, but it is too funny.
I automatically get in the back of the car so that my buddy-partner-pal can drive first.
So he was driving and we got to a turn and my teacher starts walking him through it.

"Turn right at this intersection.''
We get there.
"Now brake a little on your approach, and again when you are turning."
He does it perfectly, most of the time. I won't discuss how much this angers me.
But then! Then....
"You forgot your blinker. Make sure you use your blinker on the next turn."

I smile softly to myself.
He made a mistake.
And I was the Self- Proclaimed Master of the Blinker.

I also parallel- parked behind a lady who did it so awfully that you could totally tell she did not have a Drivers Ed instructor with her.

I also went to Arby's because I was famished and their food is beyond delicious. And the dumb people made fun of me.
I gave them my money and they laughed at me.
There are 2 life lessons to be learned in this:
Never give someone your money after they laugh at you.
Never laugh at someone after they give you money or pay your sad salary. They could chuck their medium root beer right back in your face. (Not that I did that, I'm just saying...)

Anyways, they kept laughing at me. It upset me.

Let's play a round of Who Should Be Pitied?

Someone in a Drivers Ed car? (Everyone has to take Drivers Ed. Unless you are Superman. Then you are just a moving violation.)

Someone who works at Arby's? (Not everyone has to work at Arby's. It's a choice.)

Since the government forces me and everyone else to take Drivers Ed, and those people chose of their own free will to work at Arby's and working at Arby's is nerdy (because it is in the fast food category)...


Then I think that they should shut their mouths. And pity themselves. Because I will never work at Arby's. And they do.

But I did not laugh at them, because I am a good person (and they still had my food, meaning they still could spit in it). I, clearly, have more reason to laugh at them than they have to laugh at me, but I did not.

Get in the Car, please. I have Many Places to go Today.

So yesterday I went into Idaho Falls at 4:00 to drive with my new driving buddies..... Yay.

Here's what happened.

I decided that I had a distinct disadvantage as I sat in the back set and observed my buddies (a slightly normal boy and an emo girl) driving around the cones, making U- turns, and some three point turns, and then went around roundabouts, neighborhoods and other stuff. They drove like they had been for a while. Illegally, I might add.

After they both drove for about an hour and 15 minutes, it was my turn. After a silent meltdown, and 75 minutes of praying that I would not have a fatal heart attack, I got out of the back seat and in the front of the car.

As I was driving around the cones I realized that turning the steering wheel is actually important, and that accelerating too fast does not actually help you get around the cones faster.

I drove around the roundabouts and found out that it is good that there is another brake in the car.

I finished the roundabouts, turned onto another road, and got closer to a church that we had passed 2 times before. But instead of driving right past it, my instructor told me to turn into the parking lot.
Thoughts were percolating in my head. What had I done wrong? Why did I have to turn into the parking lot? Nobody else had had to pull in to the church! Ahhhh!
So I pulled in and he told me to try and park in a space. I leveled the bottom of the mirror with the top of the curb and parked, just like he told me to.

"Did you do that right?"

"I.... uhh..... bleh blem, *he hem* I dunno." *eyes widen nervously*

He opened his door and started to get out, so I figured that we were making sure I didn't do any damage to the car. I unbuckled my seat belt with my slightly clammy hands and opened the door. The long walk to the front of the car exacerbated my feelings of anxiety.

The first thing I saw was a hole and scratches on my side of the car.

After I freaked out- inside my head, of course- I realized that the hole that I thought I had made was actually the headlight and that the scratches were from previous students. And I breathed a sigh of distinct relief.

So I pulled out and we continued on our journey.

We came to an intersection and I was supposed to make a moving left turn. Now, my driving pals had never had to make a left hand turn with a car sitting on the opposite side of the road that we were supposed to turn on to. Needless to say, with a pretty new Nissan sitting on the other side of the road, my turn was slightly perfect.

And you can take that to the bank.

You Can Have My Watch When I Am Dead.

I am driving for the first time in Drivers Ed today.